I told God “I hate being alone” and
God said to me “I’m sending your husband away for three months with no
communication.” Talk about feeling alone in the world! I was 7 months pregnant
when my husband left for Boot Camp. I was pretty sure at that time that he
wouldn’t be back until after our first child was born. As a general rule, I
don’t like being alone at all! Even if I’m sick and contagious, I want someone
to be with me. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I definitely didn’t want to
have my baby “alone” either! To have your husband leave you at such a critical
juncture in your life is quite unnerving. During the three months he was gone,
I prayed a lot for wisdom and peace about our decision. I began thinking of
deployments and training periods and all the other times my husband could
possibly be gone. It was so easy to let my mind go to all the worst possible
scenarios. But I had to keep coming back to the fact that God was always with
me and I was never truly alone. He was giving me a wonderful baby that would,
for the next 18 years at least, always be with me. I was never truly going to
be alone again and God was providing for that in His perfect way. Military
wives go through things “alone” all the time but those of us who trust in the
Lord are never truly alone and that is such a comfort to me.
This may seem silly, but I told God
“I don’t like going to the doctor” so God said “I have 9 months of doctors
appointments lined up for you.” I have never really liked doctor’s offices and
even in college I would ask my boyfriend, now my husband, to go just to sit in
the waiting room with me. That to me is the hardest part, sitting in that cold
room waiting to be called back to see the doctor. Most of these appointments I
had to attend alone. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my poor husband was
working a lot trying to provide for our family so he couldn’t go and at the end
of the pregnancy he was gone for training. For those of you who have had babies
you know that most of your doctor’s appointments occur at the end of the
pregnancy, so he missed the majority of them while he was in Boot Camp. During
all those appointments, the Lord gave me strength and courage to get through
them and to have a very healthy pregnancy! He gave me a wonderful friend who
also was pregnant that I could share all my experiences with. I couldn’t
believe how the Lord worked it out so that twice my husband was able to be off
for my appointments! Of the two times he was able to be there the first was
when we heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time and the second was the
ultrasound where we saw our baby for the first time. God kept reminding me that
there are military wives everywhere who do things like doctor’s appointments
alone every day and I’m not the only one.
The final time I want to share with
you is when I told God that I trusted Him and He proved to me that I was still
learning what trust truly is. After my husband left for Boot Camp, I kept
telling people that I was fine and I was trusting God for whatever came my way while
Ryan was gone. But after a series of circumstances and conversations I realized
that I was saying what I wanted people to hear. It wasn’t truly what was in my
heart. It wasn’t until God withheld some things from me that I realized that I
didn’t trust that He was protecting or taking care of me. Our pastor in Texas
had recently preached a message on needing only God. His point was that we
don’t need money, we don’t need insurance, and we don’t need a spouse to be
secure in this life. We need only HIM! Those points in our pastor’s message hit
home so hard during Boot Camp. While my husband was gone, we didn’t see any of
the money that he was making. It was put into a bank account that neither of us
had access to until after he graduated. Only then did God teach me that I don’t
need money to trust Him. He had allowed us to build up a small amount of
savings, an amount that was perfect for the time my husband was gone. I also
didn’t have insurance for 3 months because I did not have Power of Attorney to
get my military ID. Again, God proved that he was my Great Physician and He was
taking better care of me than any doctor ever could. Of course, my husband was
gone and unreachable for most of the time except by letters that basically took
a week to get to him. That taught me that I don’t “need” my husband, I need
only God.
God has proved Himself so faithful
in my life and I look forward to how He will continue to teach me more in the
future. I love being a part of the Marine family and I know this is where God has
our family for the time being.
~Leah Borg
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